Survive

Porsha Truesdale in “waiting & wanting” photographed by H. Reigns

Momma,

Sometimes,

I wonder what it feels like to be you,

To experience the level of pain that have had to endure.

To live the life that you lived.

To have the daughters that you did.

To see the mistakes that we have made,

Despite any warnings that you had tried to give.

To watch us throw away our favor,

For the love of love and sex.

To watch a man take over our bodies.

An urban exorcism.

We are phantoms of 

The little girls that you birthed.

Tell me,

What does it do to your heart

When you hear how we valued ourselves

Based on the appeal

Of what is between our legs?

How did your heart survive

To see us weighted down?

Carrying the seeds of someone

Who would never consider us as family?

How did you soul recover

Watching someone that you created out of nothing,

Return to the dust from whence we all came?

How can your faith remain unbothered,

As you watched the child who remained

Destroy herself through grief’s good friends?

Sometimes I wonder

What it is like to be you.

So that I could truly understand what I have

Before I don’t have it anymore.

Before your answers to my questions

Are just figments of the past.

Before I am mature enough to realize

That my future is your past.

That my mistakes are your mirrored past.

That I hurt you, by living my life.

That I hurt you by being the same.

That you are fearful 

That my destiny will be unchanged.

Buried in a hole

But still alive

My own daughters wondering

How is it that i have survived.

Momma,

I don’t want us to be this way.

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7 thoughts on “Survive

  1. This one pinched my heart a little. It made me think of the things my mother endured as a single mom & how she was able to do what so many say is impossible for a woman to do. But I’m living proof of how that’s a false statement. Great read!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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